Originally posted by OmniKnight:
Winning the first date is very easy. Do not even think about the date as a romantic excursion. Do not think about protocol for hug/kiss/etc. It's simply not a factor. Your goal is not to cross any physical borders at all. Your goals are to:
1) Have a good time. Show her that you are a lot of fun to be around (not in a retarded, public display of stupidity way. in a charming way).
2) The 3 C's: Calm, Confident, Composed. Show her that you are a relaxed guy, and that you are a stabilizing presence to be around. Ask questions in a calm, relaxed manner and let her do most of the talking. Speak softly - it will ease her nerves, and also lends a hand to creating the element of mystery.
3) Let yourself be mysterious. This does not mean you should allude to things that make you sound like a creep. This simply means don't talk about yourself the whole time, and explain things only half way. Making the girl think there is a lot to you that isn't immediately presented on the surface is key in this stage. It's their natural instinct to want to get to your core, AND TO HAVE TO WORK AT THAT TASK. If you show all your cards and give her all your cool stories on the first date, there's nothing for her to work for. Avoid explaining your emotions about anything at all - present only facts. Women want to pull emotion out of you - put her up to that challenge, and don't let her win it on the first date. Give her tidbits to nibble on, or she'll think you're a closet case. But don't give her anything in full. The emotions you do give her should all be happy and lead to laughter and positive thoughts.
4) Eye contact is absolutely key. Let your eyes wander away from hers as if you're fighting the urge to look directly at her... and then let yourself give in. Especially when SHE is talking to YOU. You never want to look around at the walls, ceiling, your straw, some fidget instrument, or anything other than her when she's telling you something important (and remember - EVERYTHING she says is important. it is to her, so it must be to you also). Don't be creepy with the eye contact though - don't gape at her like you want to bite her neck, and don't try to make bedroom eyes at her. Just make friendly, interested, focused eye contact. And smile as much as you can when you do make contact - it's charming if you do it at appropriate times.
5) Other body language is of the utmost importance. If you're looking her in the eye, but your shoulders are turned toward the end of the table then the connection is lost. Close your shoulders from the rest of the room, and point them toward her. It's all about focusing on her. Lean in when the conversation turns private, and make sure that eye contact is achieved at these times. However, don't lean in and out and in and out like you're on a g*d damned see-saw. You'll look like an ass. Also let your body be as calm as your mind. If you're speaking softly but fidgeting like a schizophrenic, then your goal of appearing composed and confident is completely lost. Relax your body and be natural.
6) Never let her catch you looking at another woman on the first date. Never. The last thing you want her to think is that you're girl crazy. Girls don't phase you. Not even Megan Fox.
7) If you feel like you're connecting really quickly, then go ahead and cross the physical contact border in a smooth and non-groping manner. For example, if it's a tight squeeze to get through a doorway, lean over her shoulder to open the door with one hand and brush her gently forward by touching the small of her back with your other hand. Or if you're in a really crowded room, TAKE THE LEAD and go single file, gently grabbing her outer two fingers with yours to lead the way. What you don't want to do is start stroking her arms or try to give her a neck massage or anything retarded like that. Don't try to sneak your way into a complete hand-hold as you're walking along, and don't put one arm around her like she's a good ol' pal. That stuff is just weird. Be confident, non-imposing, and charming with physical contact.
8) Do not forget chivalry, but also do not hang your hat on it. Open the door for her, but when she thanks you don't give an exuberant 'NO PROBLEM'. Just let it slide by as routine. Pick up all expenses, but don't flash your Platinum card to seem as though your paying should be a point on the scoreboard. Take plenty of cash in denominations so that you can pull the check folio under the table, and slide the right amount in without requiring change or a pen to sign for a card. At the least, this will streamline operations and subliminally ease the burden of payment in her mind. If she's keen, she will notice and think of you as well-prepared and non-reliant on credit. Both solid signs of responsibility.
9) Lastly, DO NOT PUT THE PU**Y ON A PEDESTAL. Remember that all night. Respect her as a person, and don't treat her as an object. But never resign yourself to feeling like this is the only chance you're going to get for the time being. Just go with it.
at you while on the beans.
