Need some advice

[Crazyhole]

I had the parent of a high school kid come talk to me last night. Her daughters best friend apparently has been getting sexually assaulted by her step-dad. Normally I'm pretty skeptical of these kinds of claims, but I know the guy and there was just way too many details so im pretty sure its true. I know, the obvious answer is to report it, and I'm actually waiting on a call back from a police officer friend of mine, but this girl has only told one person, who only told her mom, who has only told me. The girl is pretty afraid that her mom is going to take her step-dads side so she's 50/50 on sweeping the whole thing under the rug, and she's now self-medicating. Step-dad and mom kicked her out this weekend and real dad is no peach himself and I'm pretty sure that if/when he finds out this is going to get violent. Being that there is a very limited number of people that know, one way or another this is going to come back to my friend and her daughter and they're both afraid of what that might look like.

I'm kinda stressed about what to do here.

 

[OldManKnightFan]

Can her best friend convince her to go to police?

 

[UCFKnightfan08]

Report it to DCF where ever you live. If something happens to this girl you’ll never be able to live with yourself. Let them investigate it.

 

[DAiello18]

Ah yeah see everything says call the cops but at the same time you’re on the fence feeling like you’re opening up a can of worms. In my field I’m a mandatory reporter so my hands are tied. I’d call the Police personally and probably DCF but the best thing you can do is provide her with a safe outlet while building her confidence in her to file a report

 

[Crazyhole]

Ah yeah see everything says call the cops but at the same time you’re on the fence feeling like you’re opening up a can of worms. In my field I’m a mandatory reporter so my hands are tied. I’d call the Police personally and probably DCF but the best thing you can do is provide her with a safe outlet while building her confidence in her to file a report

Well its reported so there's no turning back. In nebraska, you're legally required to report these things even if its just a rumor so I didn't have a choice. I'm just worried about the possible retribution.

 

[UCFKnightfan08]

Well its reported so there's no turning back. In nebraska, you're legally required to report these things even if its just a rumor so I didn't have a choice. I'm just worried about the possible retribution.

cant worry about the retribution, you did what you had to do and what is the right thing to do. I’m guessing the girl involved is a minor? Seriously if you knew and something happened you’d be legally responsible I’m sure (don’t know about the laws in your state) but more importantly how could you live with yourself if you did nothing - let dcf/local police investigate it. I’ve had to call dcf before, you don’t even have to give your name if you don’t want to.

 

[DAiello18]

Agreed

 

[Crazyhole]

cant worry about the retribution, you did what you had to do and what is the right thing to do. I’m guessing the girl involved is a minor? Seriously if you knew and something happened you’d be legally responsible I’m sure (don’t know about the laws in your state) but more importantly how could you live with yourself if you did nothing - let dcf/local police investigate it. I’ve had to call dcf before, you don’t even have to give your name if you don’t want to.

Yes, she's seventeen but it sounds like it's been going on for 3 years or so. Like I said, I'm normally skeptical of crap like this but I used to do family support work in a children's home and the details of this were way to familiar. Its pretty easy to identify grooming behavior once you've seen it and this one meets that to a tee.

 

[chemmie]

If you were a teacher, police officer, or pretty much any other public worker, you would be fired and possibly jailed for not reporting.

Think about that, then call the police.

 

[Crazyhole]

If you were a teacher, police officer, or pretty much any other public worker, you would be fired and possibly jailed for not reporting.

Think about that, then call the police.

Any citizen in Nebraska can go to jail for not reporting sexual assault on a minor. I already called.

 

[Crazyhole]

Sweet. Talked to the SC investigator and he sounded pretty disinterested. Wtf!?

 

[UCFKnightfan08]

Sweet. Talked to the SC investigator and he sounded pretty disinterested. Wtf!?

That’s been my experience before. It’s probably just that they get the same call 100 times a day so it isn’t the “holy shit” factor that anyone else gets when they hear a story like this. Either way they will investigate it - probably already did. I know in FL if you call they are pretty damn good about having someone there within a couple hours at the most.

 

[Crazyhole]

That’s been my experience before. It’s probably just that they get the same call 100 times a day so it isn’t the “holy shit” factor that anyone else gets when they hear a story like this. Either way they will investigate it - probably already did. I know in FL if you call they are pretty damn good about having someone there within a couple hours at the most.

Well the holy shit factor went up tonight. The SC investigator talked to the girl and this is escalating quickly. Her dad still doesn't know but will in the morning if she follows through on telling him. Step-dad will likely be arrested tomorrow.

 

[UCFKnightfan08]

Well the holy shit factor went up tonight. The SC investigator talked to the girl and this is escalating quickly. Her dad still doesn't know but will in the morning if she follows through on telling him. Step-dad will likely be arrested tomorrow.

sounds like you did a good thing then.

 

[Crazyhole]

sounds like you did a good thing then.

Yeah. I hope none of you ever have to do it, its not as easy as it sounds. I'm still sick over the deal.

 

[UCFKnightfan08]

Yeah. I hope none of you ever have to do it, its not as easy as it sounds. I'm still sick over the deal.

Been there, it sucks - but sleep better knowing that this girl is safe thanks to what you did.

 

[sk8knight]

Crazy, I feel for you man. You are what police refer to as a shit-magnet. If you ever decide to come to Orlando for a UCF game or vacation, all your drinks are on me. Also if Nebraska ever gets good enough to meet us in a bowl game.

 

[Crazyhole]

Crazy, I feel for you man. You are what police refer to as a shit-magnet. If you ever decide to come to Orlando for a UCF game or vacation, all your drinks are on me. Also if Nebraska ever gets good enough to meet us in a bowl game.

I took for granted how easy it was being an employee where you went into the situation knowing that the kid was already in the system and there was a support structure in place. Being the first in line is so much more difficult. It's hard to explain. Back then, it was easy to just compartmentalize it because it was just part of the job and feeling like being a part of the upside. I guess it was just confidence in knowing the the worst was in the past. This was way different and I totally didn't expect what its like.

 

[UCFBS]

You clarify you're hearing this 3rd hand. But you've gotta report it. Just emphasize it's 3rd hand.

That's the problem with 3rd hand, the "hear/see something" is so far removed from the source, it's been tweaked so many times, so it's difficult to know how much is true and how much is embelished.

In any case, sounds like a poor living situation for her, although that doesn't necessarily mean sexually.

Also ... one thing I'm waking up to is that 'sexual assault' is a really 'loose' term with Zoomers -- when gossiping 2nd and 3rd hand. It can mean someone was watching porn or just talking about sex. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.

But when it comes to young ladies, I tend to err on belief, always. The problem is, again, 3rd hand. If it was 1st hand, yeah, that's something that isn't to mess around with ... report it.

You're screwed either way. Because if you don't report it, you'll never live with yourself. And if you do report it, it had better not have been embelished or the ball rolls and never stops.