Emotional Affair? What would the cooler do?
- Thread starter Knight_Magic
- Start date
I thought it was commonplace for spouses to know passcodes and passwords? Not for snooping but just for ease (I've had Dingy check emails for me or texts when I'm busy and vice versa).
QFT. It's called sharing. They teach it to you as a young child.
Yeah its like if you were a cheater you'd want no secret passcode since it's so incriminating looking at a minimum w the one caveat of a bday, anniversary or similar surprise gift/trip or something.
Does anyone even know @Knight_Magic to be able to file a missing persons?
Update: So last night I get home, she calls as she normally does as she gets off work and informs me she was going out to dinner with some co-workers... I nixed that idea in the ass and told her better yet, come home we needed to talk... of course she asks why can't we talk over the phone.. blah blah blah..
Gets home, I calmly explain my thoughts, concerns, and reasoning. She pushes back, throws some blame my way of being paranoid, overthinking etc. I come back with the recent password on the phone and things I have noticed lately so that backtracked her and she didn't have much of a response. She pulls the "I am just trying to be there for a friend in need, we have known each other for a long time, he's a nice guy and means no harm, going through a tough time blah blah blah" line..... back and forth we go, with eventually me getting it through her head of why I feel the way I do. She didn't have much of a response on the passcode other than I can have that if I want it she has nothing to hide line. She said she will cut communication with him if that is what makes me happy. Per some people on here, I didn't go that route but rather scale back and to keep our personal lives out of it. I did let her know that if I find out he is making a pass at her or having inappropriate conversations that I would not be afraid to pay him a visit. Not quite sure what was resolved overall other than some talking, some guilty make-up sex on her end and her going to bed early with me sipping bourbon on the couch watching the late show. At the very least, she knows where I stand and how I feel about the situation.Hoping things calm down but i'll still be mindful.
Gets home, I calmly explain my thoughts, concerns, and reasoning. She pushes back, throws some blame my way of being paranoid, overthinking etc. I come back with the recent password on the phone and things I have noticed lately so that backtracked her and she didn't have much of a response. She pulls the "I am just trying to be there for a friend in need, we have known each other for a long time, he's a nice guy and means no harm, going through a tough time blah blah blah" line..... back and forth we go, with eventually me getting it through her head of why I feel the way I do. She didn't have much of a response on the passcode other than I can have that if I want it she has nothing to hide line. She said she will cut communication with him if that is what makes me happy. Per some people on here, I didn't go that route but rather scale back and to keep our personal lives out of it. I did let her know that if I find out he is making a pass at her or having inappropriate conversations that I would not be afraid to pay him a visit. Not quite sure what was resolved overall other than some talking, some guilty make-up sex on her end and her going to bed early with me sipping bourbon on the couch watching the late show. At the very least, she knows where I stand and how I feel about the situation.Hoping things calm down but i'll still be mindful.
Sorry she cheated on you, dude. Hope you guys can get through this.
I'm being optimistic and thinking it sounds like she might have been starting to catch feelings for him and this was a wake-up call that she's getting dangerously close to ruining her marriage. Hopefully this will serve to snap her out of it and she'll keep strong boundaries and be more open and up-front with you.
That being said, if she was, it might indicate some communication issues in your relationship (clearly, since you came to us before addressing it with her) that maybe you both aren't even aware of, so I would also get a few counseling sessions. I've always thought therapy is like a tune-up. Your car will still drive without the best maintenance but if you want it to perform at its peak and last forever, you regularly do maintenance on it. Same with relationships, you can often get out of sync so slowly that you don't realize until it's a problem. It never hurts, and if you don't have any issues, then no problem.
Good luck, keep those lines of honest communication open.
That being said, if she was, it might indicate some communication issues in your relationship (clearly, since you came to us before addressing it with her) that maybe you both aren't even aware of, so I would also get a few counseling sessions. I've always thought therapy is like a tune-up. Your car will still drive without the best maintenance but if you want it to perform at its peak and last forever, you regularly do maintenance on it. Same with relationships, you can often get out of sync so slowly that you don't realize until it's a problem. It never hurts, and if you don't have any issues, then no problem.
Good luck, keep those lines of honest communication open.
1) You can't speak about doing maintenance on your cars, Mrs. what's an oil change
2) You're being a very big optimist, which I love about you, but we all know what happened.
Not to be too judgmental here, but even if this is SOP for you guys, this whole predicament probably necessitated you going to bed with her instead of staying up late watching TV. This is a trying and emotional time for you both and separation like that may fester other feelings. I know it sounds odd, but that may have been a little test for you. Sure you got some action, but your separation afterwards may be some additional justification for her to go seeking someone else. Keep up the communication and devotion to her, and you'll get through this.
I'm going to go with 70/30 against something inappropriate having happened, but I do think that she might have been on the path
When you say "keep our personal life out of it" what exactly are you referring to? Like, is she complaining about you? Dick size comparisons?
You need to revisit the locked phone thing. She locked it for a reason and you need to know it. I bet she sent nudes.
You need to revisit the locked phone thing. She locked it for a reason and you need to know it. I bet she sent nudes.
If so, it's @Knight_Magic 's duty to share them with us
I'm pretty much an expert on the subject. Yes, she cheated. At least 3 times. 2nd time was probably webcam worthy.
No doubt she did, considering she never gave a reason as to why - not even a BS one. The "you can have the password" is likely a line she used as a bluff. It wasn't called and if there was incriminating stuff, she could have been thinking she'd have time to erase it before she had to turn it over.
And she was almost certainly on her way to #4 last night. Dinner with co-workers? On a Tuesday? Please.
I mean, Tuesday is the most likely day for me to have dinner with co-workers, of course I travel for work and we really have nothing else to do when we are in a different city, doubt that's the case here.
She prolly just deleted shit off her phone so ud definitely be allowed to look at it.
Also would need to know relative 1-10 scores of all parties involved here to give a definitive ruling
Also would need to know relative 1-10 scores of all parties involved here to give a definitive ruling
Well, there was Taco Tuesday at Tijuana Flats yesterday, but yeah she wasn't out of town.
Ofcourse she deleted the bad stuff. Recall he told her over the phone that "we need to talk." Guarantee you that she hung up and immediately called Jody and then deleted all the incriminating texts, emails and noodz. By the time she got home for this talk, her phone was clean. Now she will get a burner phone. I take no joy in being right on such a painful matter but she gone.
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You should've asked if you could go have dinner with them as well. Make up something; you're tired, you're bored, I miss you, whatever. That would've been the real indicator because if she says no, then you know she was on her way to PIIHB.
This is making my stomach hurt and it isn't even me!
BTW you should scope out the cellphone bill. See what times she was texting this guy, see if she was calling him too when you weren't around.
Now we are talking. You can get those texts as well if necessary. I'd probably have another "talk" about this tonight and see if you get laid again. If so just keep communicating
I saw this thread and I knew what all the answers were going to be: divorce, divorce, divorce. The thing is @Knight_Magic not of these posters have the emotional connection and attachment you have to your wife. They can't possibly weigh the choices and give you the advice you need without your experiences. Here's what I recommend, post whatever nudes of her you have and promise more if you stay with her. It's the only way to get sound guidance.
Best advice ever. Get as much ass out of this as you can, just make sure to wear a rubber
This.
Hopefully she realizes that she needs to put her marriage first and friends second.
.
Why don't you encourage her to sign up here as a UCFSports.com user, and we'll mediate the entire thing in this thread?
What could go wrong?
What could go wrong?
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