Emotional Affair? What would the cooler do?
- Thread starter Knight_Magic
- Start date
I guess you will know for sure if she pops out a black kid.
I thought we decided Brahman was NOT black?
Homie links to WSJ & reads non fiction, he's practically Karl Malone or Darius Rucker.
First off, you did the right thing here. I'm curious what her friend's "tough time" is, and why he feels the need to confide in her so often?
In any case, if there is one positive note, assuming that's her being honest ...
"She said she will cut communication with him if that is what makes me happy."
If I understand you correctly, and maybe you've already told her this, but spouses tend to be "best friends" and those "lines of communication" should already remain. If she's confiding in another man more than you, then that's already an issue. Because if she cannot bring you her issues, or even her friend's issues, then she's definitely not as close to you as she claims. Put the whole issue of sex aside, that's really what defines a marriage, with any "sex" just being the "straw that broke the camel's back."
So ... here's another view ... why can't she involve you in her friend's issues? If your wife trusts you to get calm and considerate towards her friend, and after all, you accept her friends just like she accepts yours (right?), why can't you also be involved? It's a fair question. It also requires you, assuming she involves you, to look at her friend as your friend as well. Maybe that's how you rebuild your trust with one another? That puts the onus on him, and why he wants her alone too.
Actually, this is the only place I disagree with you.
I would have avoided sex, and told her she needs to "help rebuild your trust" before you are intimate again. But that's just me. If it causes her to rush to him and sleep with him as a result, then there's your answer. It means she rushes to him with her problems, even putting the sex aspect aside. It's best to look at this not about sex and cheating, but understanding why she is spending so much time with him. It's not to "punish," not at all, but I really don't want negative emotions being rewarded with intimacy.
I honestly believe my marriage has long survived because if my wife and I are not on the same terms, I put my foot down. I know this is why several of the women I was closed to before meeting my wife dumped me. They wanted that emotional high, but if it was negative, it was only going to hurt our relationship long-term. But I credit my marriage surviving for this reason, and my insistence to avoid make-up sex. YMMV, and I know many people will disagree.
I only offer these views as my own, and not that they make work in all situations. BTW, ignore people saying you shouldn't ask on a forum. It means you honestly trust us, or at least some of us, and that is a vote of confidence as well. The key is to get that confidence back in and with your wife ... or ultimately recognize she's not going to meet you there, and that's just how it is.
Now this part, I'm leaving to the end ...
Let's say she's already cheated on you with him. What do you want to do about it? Get her to stop? Leave her immediately? Other? You have to sit back and ask, what is this all about? What value does she put into our marriage and what does it mean to her? Does she value my values and what I believe our marriage is about? What does she want out of our marriage?
I know people make fun of me, but what bothers me most would not be that my wife cheated, or that there is good reason to believe she cheated or that she's dealing with a man who hopes she will sleep with him. It's that she wasn't honest enough to tell me, or take the time to stop and tell me all about what's going on or many other things running through her mind. That's the issue, not the sex, or the perception the she or he wants sex.
But that's just me, after being with the same woman for 22 years. If I don't know her, and she cannot be forward, honest with me or even want to take the time to stop and talk with me, in person, I've got bigger issues than any sex she might be having outside our marriage. From the sounds of it, your wife was willing to come home and talk to you, and said she'd stop seeing him for you. That's a really good sign, but I wasn't there.
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I've got a counter-proposal.
When the cell phone statement comes in, or if you can check it on-line, in real-time, like some carriers provide, bring it to her (print it out if it's on-line) and tell her you don't want to do anything behind her back. Go over how much she is calling and texting him and ask if it's really that's necessary, as well as the times it is being done, especially if it's very suggestive. Tell her you'd rather just do it during hours when you're around, and maybe you can help him too, as a fellow man.
I know it sounds strange, but the more you involve your wife in your "investigations," the more she will feel you really are making it about "us" and not so much "you v. her." It's literally "this is our marriage, and I feel you're not being open with me, please involve me, as your husband."
You might be surprised why she's talking to him so much. E.g., maybe he's going through a tough time because he's already cheated on his wife or girlfriend, and now he's seeking a woman's counsel, and your loyal wife of X years is the first woman he thought of, one he was close to in the past. And maybe that's why she won't tell you much, because that might only cause your fears to skyrocket ... because, yes, he f'd up and already proved he'll violate trust.
The more you are honest with your wife, and try to make it about "us" as a couple, the more receptive I think she will be. Or ... it will just expose the issues you already have, which is not a bad thing either, if it's going to ultimately result in a break up any way.
When my wife goes out with a guy she is nice enough to say a couple of the girls from the office are going to stop for a drink.
She only comes home a hour late. who am I to ruin her love life...
Oh and for the key to a long happy marriage, it comes from 2 words by the husband....
"YES DEAR!"
She only comes home a hour late. who am I to ruin her love life...
Oh and for the key to a long happy marriage, it comes from 2 words by the husband....
"YES DEAR!"
Need a morning update, Magic.
And I see that the lunatic responded--no doubt with thousands of circuitous words that make absolutely no effing sense whatsoever.
And I see that the lunatic responded--no doubt with thousands of circuitous words that make absolutely no effing sense whatsoever.
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In my Samsung phone, I go to Settings->More->Location (looks like a toggle but can be selected)->Google Location History->View/Manage. From here it will prompt me to open a program, if I select the browser it will have me log in to the gmail account but if I select Google Maps it will provide all of the location history in the Google Maps app.
It's also doable in a computer browser after logging into the gmail account. https://maps.google.com/locationhistory
Enjoy!
This would require for @brahmanknight to have been married for 8 months. In order to get married, you probably have to show up to stuff like dates, events in public and, maybe, just maybe, your own wedding. We all know @brahmanknight is way too socially awkward for any of that nonsense.
#youregonnadiealone
dutch ovens warm the bed. He's just thinking of you
Well it was only a matter of time before the cuckold chimed in. That's another route @Knight_Magic could take, I suppose, but not one I would recommend. You obviously value your dignity.
finally getting through this thread after 2 days of insistence from @USFSucks to read it. Unfortunately, downtown Denver isn't prepared for 25K edtech users to flood its cell network as my phone was useless for anything data-driven all week.
I never actually caught my first wife cheating, but she was re-married within a year of us getting divorced. She told me on April 1st she wanted a break; thought it was a joke but she was serious. I called her bluff, left, and stayed at a hotel for 2 nights before some alumni good friends put me up for 2 weeks. Then, got an apartment and proceeded to enjoy my break with a variety of other women and working on the simplified dissolution paperwork. Never once did she ask to stop the process. I did, once, when I invited over to my place to sign the documents before sending them into the court. She said she found someone and I was only asking because I had not. I was asking to set up the final act in court.
Even when you do a simplified dissolution, you still have to go in front of a judge and he asks you some questions about it.
Judge: "How long have you two known each other?"
Me: "9 years, married 5, your honor"
Judge: "Do you still love her?"
Me: "No, your honor. 3 weeks ago, when we submitted the paperwork for this process, I said I was willing to rip it all up and try again if she was. She told me I was only doing this because I was lonely and that she was serious with someone else. Your honor, we stand here today a mere 3 months after she requested a separation. If she has found someone she's so serious about in that short time that she wants to throw away 9 years, then no, I don't love her any longer. I deserve better than her as she's not the person I fell in love with years ago. She has moved on with expediency and I will move onward and upward should you grant our request."
Her: Reduced to a blabbering mess
Judge: "granted"
She was pregnant 2 months later, married by shotgun, and divorced 10 months after that. She's on husband #3 and I'm going 13 years strong.
I never actually caught my first wife cheating, but she was re-married within a year of us getting divorced. She told me on April 1st she wanted a break; thought it was a joke but she was serious. I called her bluff, left, and stayed at a hotel for 2 nights before some alumni good friends put me up for 2 weeks. Then, got an apartment and proceeded to enjoy my break with a variety of other women and working on the simplified dissolution paperwork. Never once did she ask to stop the process. I did, once, when I invited over to my place to sign the documents before sending them into the court. She said she found someone and I was only asking because I had not. I was asking to set up the final act in court.
Even when you do a simplified dissolution, you still have to go in front of a judge and he asks you some questions about it.
Judge: "How long have you two known each other?"
Me: "9 years, married 5, your honor"
Judge: "Do you still love her?"
Me: "No, your honor. 3 weeks ago, when we submitted the paperwork for this process, I said I was willing to rip it all up and try again if she was. She told me I was only doing this because I was lonely and that she was serious with someone else. Your honor, we stand here today a mere 3 months after she requested a separation. If she has found someone she's so serious about in that short time that she wants to throw away 9 years, then no, I don't love her any longer. I deserve better than her as she's not the person I fell in love with years ago. She has moved on with expediency and I will move onward and upward should you grant our request."
Her: Reduced to a blabbering mess
Judge: "granted"
She was pregnant 2 months later, married by shotgun, and divorced 10 months after that. She's on husband #3 and I'm going 13 years strong.
That's what happens when you marry your mom.
Unlike a lot of you guys, I honestly do care about people's lives, and know when not to make light of things that hurt. The last thing I like to see is anyone in pain or, worse yet, uncertainty. I know that's not popular, and bashing me will get you a lot of likes, but I just have to say ... now is not the time to make this about me.
Seriously. I'll let the OP bash me if he wants, and that's his choice which I'll respect, because he's the one dealing with this. But please, let's focus on his issues. Start another thread about me, call it "The Lunatic and his Mom" (or worse), but don't do it here.
At least UCF w00t makes a joke that is funny.
Again, I'll let the OP decide if any of my words are applicable or not. I don't know how humble I can be about what works in my life, and how it may or may not be applicable in his situation.
Oh I forgot...you're the resident Coola Cuckold. Serious question: how do maintain your dignity knowing other dudes are plowing your wife?
Getting the cell records is priority #1. If there are enough red flags you owe it to yourself to know. I wouldn't ask her or investigate together like was mentioned. If everything checks out, you take her to dinner and apologize for doubting her.
That's literally how you do it. Firm logic and a solid faith in what can work and what can not. It wasn't just the cheating, but her entire approach, attitude, etc...
And yes, I'm selfishly responding for my own interest, because I'm honestly curious of some of what she said to the judge, following that.
#micdrop
No update on anything drastic to report. All things were quiet in the household last night. We can all go about discussing Soccer, Donald Trump, Craft beer and for you old school Water Cooler peeps... bring up the age old discussion of if you wipe sitting or standing. I'm pretty sure that thread got to 5+ pages a few years back.
That was my suggestion, for the reasons laid out. He's free to ignore it. But sometimes there's a lot to be said in how you approach the marriage, and inclusion is a good sell in my book. YMMV
Serious question: Do you justify your life and your relationships, making yourself feel better, if not superior, by judging other people's relationships?
Why do every one of these "reach outs," when people are in pain or at least uncertainty, always turn into some evaluating, judging and otherwise bashing others?
I mean, you're the guy spending one second talking about the ultimate head, then the next second talking about one of your ladies contacting your daughter. I honestly don't understand you, throwing stones from inside your glass house.
Why are you so obsessed with calling other men names? Are you hoping to discover one of us here really is a Cuckold? Do you have a calling and fantasy to take another man's wife? Is that what you are seeking?
Or you just like to label other men, after judging their relationships, to make you feel better about yourself?
You guys had nasty sex last night, didn't you?
I misread this the first time and thought you and the wife, in between the drama, were discussing beer and wiping your asses.
What does " all things were quiet?" Did you two even talk or did you each sulk away alone in separate rooms? Is she still chatting up this guy while sitting on the couch watching netflix with you?
You can NOT back out of the story now.
I don't have a daughter you Frick face piece of chit. You are the type of person who needs his ass kicked once a month, but you are so socially retarded that people take pity on you. Kindly die in a fire.
Hot damn I hope this was for the lunatic. I seriously hope he never had any children that lived.
Everything seemed to be "back to normal" last night given the circumstances of yesterday. We talked as normal, watched t.v. like an old couple and she made me tasty blueberry muffins. I didn't notice her on her phone nearly as much last night so maybe the message was delivered or maybe she is researching a burner phone as Barrister or Huffy suggested.
That was a great thread. Shouldn't have been so long though because only an animal would stand up to wipe their ass.
See, @jetsaholic - I was optimistic for a reason. My bet is on her having toyed with the idea, and this was a wake-up call, and she re-prioritized her life.
By toyed you mean jilled over web cam with the guy?
Yes, @LittleMissKnight, I'm sure she used toys as well, perhaps the third time. The first time was weird, the second time was balls to the wall, the third time was "experimental" and the fourth time, well, homey was able to block that one...
... for now...
I have stayed out of this but women don't "toy" with idea and it goes away forever. If she "toyed" with the idea and lied to him while doing it, it just won't go away.
Either you gave her a lot to think about ... or she's becoming more sneaky. Hope it's the former.
Then I mis-remembered, my apologies.
I thought you went on and on in another thread about an ex's contacting one of your kids, and trying to involve herself in your life? It was at the exact same time you posted about getting unreal head.
In other words, your house is pretty much glass, all while you really go out of your way to label and judge other people. I'm just trying to figure out ... what drives you to accuse people of all sorts of things? Fantasy? Reality? Other?
Case-in-point ...
Make you feel better to get all that out?
I literally find it humorous people like yourself say this, and even others on-line. But in person, most everyone tells me to not change. Because I help many people in their times of need. They literally enjoy a person like myself being around, because I'm the one person they do not fear.
I reserve judgement of others. That's why they seek me out, instead of some of their alleged "friends." Because I won't judge them, regardless of their circumstances. I reserve myself to only question people who feel the need to judge others ... like you continually do.
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