BRRR-RRR-RR
"Whaaa? I'm up, I'm up" you mumble. As you slowly come to, you reach for your alarm clock. You realize it's not the alarm clock that woke you up. Damn roadworks. You pick up your clock and glance at it. The red digits read 6:42. Argh. Far too early.
You bury your head in your pillow, and squeeze your eyes shut, hoping to block out that god-forsaken jackhammer, and maybe go back to sleep, wake up at some less un-godly hour.
BRR-RRRRR-RRR
"****." You decide to get up. As you crawl out of bed and force yourself back to the land of the living, you look around your room. It's... what did the estate agent call it when you bought it? Homely? Pah. It's tiny. Dingy. But its home, nonetheless.
The walls are a greyish colour; supposedly they were once beige. Your carpet is old, stained and ratty. It looks like something died on it. As for your closet. Well... let's cross that bridge when we reach it, hmm?
You get up, and kick a can of beer out of your way.
You walk out of your room, and down the hall, avoiding an old pair of underwear here, a crisp packet there, and general mess everywhere. Stepping into your bathroom, you try and avoid looking at yourself, but catch your reflection out of the corner of your eye. Ugh, you look a mess.
You open up the medicine cabinet, and grab the sleeping pills. Pouring 2 into your palm, you dry swallow them while walking back to your room. Lying face down, the last thing you remember is thinking "I hope I'm not late for work..."
...
"Mhhmmm. That felt good." You sit up and yawn. You look at your clock.
"****." The clock reads 11:36. You were supposed to work at 9.
Ah well, you think. I'm late anyway. Another half hour wont hurt anyone.
You walk into your lousy excuse for a kitchen. You have laundry in your sink. You pick it up, and chuck it on the floor. "Mental note: do laundry," you say. Opening the fridge, you purvey the contents:
1 egg
1 green pepper
3 slices of pizza leftover from a few days ago
3 beers
A block of cheese
Milk
Mmm... pizza. Theres nothing like cold pizza for breakfast. You pull the box out, clear a space at your table and take a bite. Your favourite; cheese. Savouring every bite, you wonder what you should do next.
Your boss is pretty sick of you missing work. Maybe you should go in. But then he would just yell at you for that. Go to the pub? Maybe. It's a viable option.
So lost in though are you, that by the time you are almost finished with the third slice, you only just notice that the pizza is mouldy. You shrug your shoulders and take a bite anyway.
Mmm... pizza. Theres nothing like cold pizza for breakfast. You pull the box out, clear a space at your table and take a bite. Your favourite; cheese. Savouring every bite, you wonder what you should do next.
Your boss is pretty sick of you missing work. Maybe you should go in. But then he would just yell at you for that. Go to the pub? Maybe. It's a viable option.
So lost in though are you, that by the time you are almost finished with the third slice, you only just notice that the pizza is mouldy. You shrug your shoulders and take a bite anyway.
Having finally arrived at work (it's 12:30 now) you find your boss red-headedly storming towards you. "Again?!" he exclaims. "Get your ass to your desk and you better not play games again, because I'm sick of your attitude. We'll talk about this some more in my office at 5. And one more thing, no coffee breaks for you today."
You turn on your computer look at the pile of paperwork for you left to handle - Oh god...That's quite a pile. - and start to work on it. "Why is my job so boring?" you mumble. About ten minutes later your office-buddy Max comes up to you and asks you if you want to help him pull a prank on one of your colleagues. "I don't know," you respond.
"I guess that's fair enough" says Max, "but it's going to be a good one! Keep an eye on old Peterson's office if SO I'LL PASS THOSE SPREADSHEETS ONTO YOU TOMORROW you want to watch the fun...". You look round just in time to see your boss walking past, glaring at you suspiciously. By the time you turn back, Max is already walking off towards his victim's office, bottle of laxative in one hand and rubber chicken in the other.
You turn back to your desk and contemplate the tower of paperwork. An empty, coffee-stained mug stares invitingly at you from on top of your empty, coffee-stained "Out" tray, but you know you should listen to what your boss said about coffee breaks...
No sooner have you sighed wearily and begun to type than the one thing that would normally brighten up your day walks past. Gina shakes her long blonde hair and gives you a cheerful "Hey" before continuing, mug in hand, to go make some coffee. You manage to mumble a "...Hey" in return, and try not to stare as she walks off.
The look of Gina soulfully moving her nice behind to the office radio is just too much to resist, so you decide to grab your cup and go for it. Gina looks at you a tad surprised. "I thought you were desk-grounded." she says. "Well, I'm cool like that." you reply. You both laugh and while you're busy working the coffee machine you hear your boss yelling "What did I say about coffee breaks?!" causing you to almost drop your cup. "I...I..." you stuble, but luckily Gina steps in, "What kind of a boss are to tell your employees they can't have coffee? You know, someone should sue you for treating us like that." Your boss, who you suspect for having the same feelings for Gina as you do, is left speechless.
"Thanks, Gina." you say. "Well, I'm cool like that." she replies and gives you a wink.
Happy thoughts start running through your head. This girl might actually like you. But what if she just wants to be friends? You decide to chat with her for a minute and drink your coffee but also to leave it at that. You say "Catch you later, Gina." and head back to your desk. You look at the paperstack; it seems to have actually grown! Better get to work then.
All of a sudden you hear a loud shriek which you recognise as the sound of a rubber chicken. This results in a loud laughter of the pranking-king, Max. You realise you didn't even ask him what he had planned.
You grab some pieces of paper and walk towards Peterson's office pretending to need something of him. But before you can, he opens the door and runs to the toilet. You remember Max also brought laxatives and you start laughing. You see your boss walking by again so you return to your seat and press some random buttons on your computer.
You notice Gina went to see Max to ask him about it. They seem to have a good time together. This instantly puts you down because you missed a chance to talk with Gina andyou still have no idea what Max did. You look at the clock, it's 5 o'clock.
Putting aside mind-boggling thoughts of Gina and Max (how awful a couple that would be!), you head to your boss' office due to it being a quarter past five.
A quick knock on the door and you hear "Come in!"
Feeling somewhat nervous as to his reaction because of the past week of late-days, lack of work, and not calling in.
He fumbles through the stack of paperwork, which is considerably smaller than yours, a little while longer before setting it aside and looking up at you with a disappointed look before saying, "*sigh* You are a LOUSY worker. You NEVER show up and never get your work done. And if you do, it's awful and useless!" He pauses for a second and you feel on the virge of being fired until he continues,"But....I need a new personal assistant and it's an easy job that offers more pay. You'll be around me and a little of my personal life a lot more, but there's also a good raise involved. It also means a lot less time around the floor workers. So what'll it be?"
You stumble on your words. You can't BELIEVE your boss is giving you a promotion after how much of a ****ty worker you are.
You tell your boss that you'll take the job, still in disbelief that he offered it to you. It sounds really great and all, but being closer to his personal life doesn't sound very thrilling, and you really will miss Gina. I mean, seriously, you wanted to get in her pants. But you need the raise, you could use the money, so it's a done deal.
You go home and crash on your couch, and are bummed to see that all of your cold pizza is gone. You turn on the TV and chill for a little bit, and then you get a call from Max. He wants to go to the pub with you, and Gina will be there as well. You say you will call him back, as you have not yet told him that you got the promotion. It's a tough call. Staying at home and watching TV sounds good, and you could also go to another pub on your own.
